So, here’s what happened. Since January we had been living in a little flat with a big problem – there was a flaw in the plumbing installed when the building was remodelled which meant that sewer gases could rise through the pipes and escape freely into the bathroom. It smelled like a public toilet all the time.
We talked about it with the owner who told us it was a construction mistake and couldn’t be rectified. Every time I spoke to her I mentioned the fact the we weren’t happy and that the smell was sometimes so bad you would put off peeing as long as you could just to avoid going in there. Once, when the landlord visited, we talked to some of the neighbours who had the same problem. The couple upstairs who had two bathrooms even told us that they couldn’t use one of theirs (the one directly above ours) because it smelled so bad.
We had a minimum years contract, but told the owner at the beginning of April that we would have to leave because of the smell and would be out by the end of the month. We went and found another flat and moved all our stuff out.
The end of the month was this week, so we went over there to give her the keys back and officially sign off. I had trusted she would do the right thing, but my partner had had suspicions all week that she wouldn’t play ball. She was right. She refused to give us our deposit (1 months rent) back because we were breaking the contract early.
Now, we had always tried to behave reasonably towards the owner. We had tried to solve the problems ourselves. We had poured countless Euros worth of bleaches and chemicals down the tubes. We had even called a plumber at our own expense. In the end, when we couldn’t stand it any more, we gave her plenty of notice and told her she could bring people to see the flat whenever she wanted so she wouldn’t have the flat empty for any extended period of time. When we gave the flat back, we left it cleaner than when we first took the keys.
Given the circumstances, I trusted she would see that we had behaved reasonably all along and would choose to do so herself. Unfortunately, she obviously saw it as a chance to make some easy money from our horrible experience. All she could say was: “Do you need me to read the contract to you?”. She had also bought her beefy policeman dad as backup. This is a person who knew about the smell, who had deliberately covered it up with air-fresheners the day we saw the flat and who had personally heard from the neighbours that their equivalent bathroom was unusable.
When we first met her, she seemed like a very pleasant and reasonable woman. I wondered at what point her greed had overcome any natural human kindness instinct she might have had. Yes, she did have the contract on her side – there was no clause that said “The bathroom will not stink”; there wasn’t even a ‘fit for use’ type clause. So I guess if it went to court she’d probably win. But really, is that the point? Shouldn’t any reasonable person see that the contract means nothing if you can’t live in the place because it smells so bad? That morally, not legally, she had no right to keep our money? I asked her how she would be able to sleep at night. The dad got aggressive.
When we came out of the meeting, both my partner and I were emotionally knackered. We are non-confrontational types and recognised that the half hour intense argument had taken its toll on both of us. We sat on a bench for a while and nursed our wounds. When I got home I asked Google why we should feel so tired after a ‘fight’. Apparently it’s something to do with hormones.
The whole episode got me thinking about whether these types of fight are actually worth it in the long run; and small business owners will recognise that when every day is a never ending fight with suppliers, customers, salesmen, con-artists and everyone else who wants a piece of your business, the battle can be exhausting.
The problem in the short term is the immediate desire for moral victory – “It’s not about the money, it’s the principal”. You hear it all the time. The problem is that when you’re up against an army of cold-hearted, empty-headed opponents, getting them to see the just truth is a very unlikely outcome. And even if you do, as a non-confrontational person the victory might cost you more than the prize is worth. So should you let people walk all over you, just for an easy life? What’s the right action – fight or flight?
After running a small company for almost 4 years and taking a lot of crap and giving a lot back, I’m starting to think that either I don’t have the right personality for it, or that I’ve got the wrong approach. When you sell stuff to the general public (and I’m sure all merchants will agree), there is always a small percentage of ‘bad customers’. And I mean bad in every way. The have a chip on their shoulder from the very beginning, demand discounts and special treatment, point out mistakes in your webpage or sales literature, behave irrationally and expect you to comply with their whims and then inevitably, ask for their money back.
In our business, problems are mostly delivery related. Maybe 2-3% of deliveries go wrong. People don’t take the time to read the information on the website, fail to receive their order and then expect us to bear the cost or responsibility. When the customer is calm, genuine and reasonable, I never hesitate in helping them out, even making a loss on their order just so that they’re happy. When the customer is an arsehole, it costs a lot more. You’re left with a stark choice:
1) Argue with the customer, exchange 6-10 heated emails, all of which leave you a little drained, get a chargeback on your PayPal or credit card merchant account, write letter(s) to them explaining the situation, exchange more emails and/or phone calls, worry, possibly progress to legal action, possibly win financially/morally, possibly not. Or,
2) Give the customer their money back. Forget about it. Move on.
What about suppliers who deliver late and mess up your whole logistics schedule? Do you argue, complain, explain that their mistakes have cost you time and money, ask for compensation, risk ruining a stable relationship? All of this takes time and emotional investment. And it’s constant.
I know what my choice is. But does that mean that I’m letting people walk all over me when I should be standing up and fighting my corner? And I’m not just talking about customers – these situations arise constantly in business and come from all angles. Fights with suppliers about pricing or delivery errors, with employees about behaviour, with customers about service and payment – business is a battleground, and my feeling is that the winners are the ones that are up for the fight, the ones who are prepared to not let anyone stand in their way, the ruthless ones, the ones who don’t care too much about other people outcomes or feelings. Ultimately it’s survival of the fittest and a competition for resources and not everyone can win.
Me, I don’t want to fight so much. So is the conclusion that I’m no good as a businessman? Maybe. No doubt that a more aggressive, less sensitive personality would serve me well in this particular domain. But to be honest, I’m not that person and don’t want to be either. I’m not prepared to force a change of personality just to get on in business. Maybe I’ll learn to be more selective, to pick my fights better. Maybe I’ll get naturally better at confrontation and negotiation. Maybe I’ll find way to get others (professionals) to fight the bulk of my fights for me. Maybe I’ll get comfortable with selectively letting people ‘get their way’ in pursuit of peace. Maybe I’ll find a less conflictive business.
Maybe the hard edge of business is just for a different type of person though – and that’s a thought that troubles me.