Having trouble understanding global economics and the crisis of capitalism? Here's one way of visualising it.
In the first place, a group of kebab issuing countries commence a stealth invasion of the fast-food system of another country, with the ultimate aim of securing full kebab dependency. Kabab dominance is ensured via a careful devaluation of the host county's native gastronomic culture. The indigenous population will lose their taste for 'home classics' and eventually become completely incompetent at preparing or cooking any type of food for themselves. The final stage of the attack is a biological inability of the host nation's population to digest any non-kebab food and a chemical reliance on chili sauce.
Once the required conditions are in place, slavery to the kebab masters is the only possible end result. To finance the kebab addiction, consumers are forced to take credit at kebab shops, refinance their homes for pitta and shredded lettuce and consume sub-standard 'kebobs' imported from countries outside the Kebab Economic Area (KAE).
Astute investors are quick into the market, creating a massive kebab-bubble, inflating prices and helping themselves and manufacturers of meat skewers to become extraordinarily rich. A market in kebab stocks ensues where greedy traders, with huge positions in salad, begin to fabricate assets as complex investment vehicles based on over-inflated purple cabbage prices. These new vehicles, termed Kebab-Based Securities (KBS) are traded on the open market, with the cash being used to buy up stocks of spiced meat. All the while, Mr Ordinary is struggling to get the 8 kebabs a day he needs to feed his family due to the hugely inflated kebab values. This results in frequent late-night fighting as predatory gangs prowl eateries looking for a free meal.
The government now faces a fast growing kebab deficit and is forced to trade massive quantities of sterling for yoghurt sauce, effectively debasing the pound and rendering it useless for ever more. As sterling resources are used up, gold is traded until finally the government is forced into debt to the kebab issuing countries. It is estimated that only 20 years after the start of a stealth attack, the government will be forced to borrow up to 250 billion tonnes of kebabs per year, with an associated interest of 50 million litres of yoghurt sauce (following international adoption of the yoghurt standard as the currency of international debt settlement).
All this will happen in face of a declining world supply of yoghurt sauce, as all the existing resources are used faster than they are replaced. A drive for 'Renewable Sauces' ensues which proves to be a failure as it undermines the profits of existing sauce producers (the industrial partners of the kebab houses). With almost the entire world economy now entirely kebab-based, the fight for kebab ingredients resources produces global tensions on a previously unseen scale, eventually resulting in sanctions and war. Of course, the food to feed the soldiers is provided by the big-kebab cartels, further increasing their wealth.
Faced with rising yoghurt and garlic prices the government's position becomes untenable as it is no longer able to service the yoghurt interest on its kebab debt. With no choice other than declaring national kebankrupty, the government begins to produce its own kebabs, despite massive opposition from the kebab providers who see their monopoly threatened. Garlic sauce is replaced by gravy in order to avoid having to borrow from the World Yoghurt Bank and in the first year alone, 12 trillion government kebabs are issued.
In the second year, this massive new supply side injection starts to chip away at the price of condiments. Cheap white cabbage imports knock thousands off Kebab-Backed Securities in short spaces of time. Worried kebab houses begin shorting the market, borrowing and selling kebabs to trade on a falling market, in the hope that they will be able to buy them back at a lower price. When real kebab supplies have dried up, massive quantities of cabbage promises are short sold, causing a market plunge. Major meat skewer manufacturers begin to fail. With nowhere to go, margin calls and panic selling ensue, causing 80% to be wiped off the value of the International Salad Exchange and Pitta Market in just 12 months. Investors in Kebab Backed Securities (who turn out to be mostly the kebab shops themselves) are ruined and doners can barely be given away.
The government announces 15 trillion tonnes of shredded lettuce for the biggest players in the kebab market in order to avoid the total collapse of the system. However, liquid yoghurt sauce is almost impossible to come by and kebab shops are unable to sauce even a single night's worth of kebabs. Several large kebab conglomerates bite the dust and the few customers left in the market are all demanding take-away, and premium shish kebabs are left unsold in their hundreds. Kebab houses are forced by the government to extend their credit terms on defaulters, but eventually kebab stockpiles are repossessed in their thousands causing a mass transfer of wealth from the populace to fraudulent kebab conglomerates whose greedy manipulations of the yoghurt sauce and purple cabbage markets had caused the crash in the first place.